Grieving with Grace and Letting Hope in

Mustard flower blooms in front of beautifully formed natural tricolor
Close-up of beautiful mustard flower blooms in front of beautifully formed natural tricolor in the heart of India

It has been five weeks since my last post, which is unusual for me. I try to keep up with my posts every two to three weeks, but the days of the weeks, and the dates on the calendar, have been a bit of a blur this past month.

Tomorrow it will be one month since we brought our new furry baby into our home. Hope has been a joy and a challenge all at the same time. She is now fourteen weeks old and full of puppy energy – something we had not had in our home for six years. Hope entered our home as comfortably as if she had always been a part of our family. Not a hint of nervousness or shyness resided within her. She is friendly, playful, and oh so curious!

My husband and I smile when we watch this little bundle of fluffy black fur, play with our seven year old Gus. Gus was really sad after Gracee transitioned from her beautiful physical being. He didn’t know what to do with himself after hanging around with Gracee for seven years. There was a hole in our home and I knew that Gus’ heart was hurting.

Ken and pups march 2017

Hubby Ken, Gus & Hope

Then Hope came into our lives, and she has helped Gus move from sadness to being a playful pup at the age of seven! They gallop around the living room in circles until they fall down in an exhausted, tangled heap on the floor!

The first few weeks with Hope were very focused for me. I was paying careful attention to the routine so that I could reinforce all that she had learned from the trainer who had worked with her for two weeks before she came home to us. Then one day last week, I hit the wall… the wall of grief.

Hope had a most rambunctious day and was into everything. Anything that caught her attention became an obsession to have in her mouth. It seemed as if all the potty training had completely been forgotten, and I was cleaning up piddles and poo constantly. Then I totally broke down.

I literally wailed, “why are you not behaving?”, “what is going on?”, “please stop!” The tears  starting flowing down my cheeks in a torrential downpour of grief. I sobbed so hard that my stomach and my eyes hurt. I looked up at the portrait of Gracee and realized that I was grieving the death of my Gracee. It wasn’t Hope that was a problem, it was the pent-up energy of grief residing within me that needed to be released, much like the pent-up energy of my little Hope.

I shared a little bit of this story on my Facebook page at the time, and a friend commented on my post. This is a mom who experienced the death of her young adult son not that long ago. A mom acutely aware of the impact grief can have on a person’s life. Kirsten’s message to me was, “missing Gracee, let hope in.”

Let Hope In…

What powerful words that will resonate with me forever. I had coined the phrase Honoring Our Purpose Everyday, for the acronym H.O.P.E., when I was going through this transition with Gracee, and that is why our new puppy is named Hope.

Sometimes honoring my purpose is to allow myself to cry and experience the emotion of grief, for if I had not loved, I would not be grieving. Most times my purpose is to be A Mourning’s Light for those who grieve in my coaching practice. Honoring our purpose may change from day to day, minute by minute. The important thing is to allow ourselves to honor ourselves each and everyday.

Honoring Our Purpose Everyday

How might you let Hope into your life?

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