Not Knowing What to Say Speaks Volumes…

2015-08-28 08.21.18

For Audio Version:

As many of you know, I am in the process of writing my first book… a book about grieving the death of a child. As a child born into a grieving family, this is a very personal story yet a story that is shared by many…

Last evening, a dear friend of mine came to have dinner with my husband and I. This is a friend who I was able to reconnect with through Facebook a few years ago but we hadn’t physically seen each other in many years. I would imagine it has probably been at least over twenty years….

Being able to finally sit across the table from each other and visit was one of those times that you immediately reflect back on and just smile… a smile that comes from the heart… a smile that comes from knowing that life is pretty much that… spending time with one another… knowing when to talk… and  knowing when to listen… knowing when to laugh, and knowing when it is okay to shed some tears…

My friend’s son died tragically several years ago when he was still a kid… not yet twenty years old… an old soul who had a heart of gold…

I did not ask for the details but my friend needed to share.  We needed to talk about Mikey and allow his spirit to surround us while she told his story… I needed to listen deeply and hold her gaze with mine… I needed to let her know that her story is important…

My friend then brought up how other friends and acquaintances have gone to the wayside because they were uncomfortable being around her. Discomfort from not knowing what to say…, not knowing if they should or should not bring up Mikey’s death…, not knowing what to say because my friend has changed… both physically and emotionally over these years.

I have heard this same thing from many grieving parents… I call it the Plague of Grief in my book. The people who are grieving feel like they have some horrible disease because people will go to great lengths to stay away… afraid to be in close proximity… most likely afraid that they will not be immune to this condition called Grief.

My friend is not only a grieving mom, but also has chronic health issues which has changed her outward appearance… the once tall, slender and sexy long-haired hippie chick with fingers that flawlessly strummed a guitar and a voice that left us mesmerized, is now struggling with her weight due to the side effects of medications that help keep her lungs functioning. She struggles to breathe when she exerts herself… an oxygen tank always at her side…

Yes, she has changed outwardly but she is still that young, fun, loving, hippie chick of long ago. Her eyes sparkle when she laughs. Her dimple is still there when she smiles her beautiful smile. She is still the sincere, “tell it like it is ” (with a good dose of a raunchy sense of humor) girl that I met 41 years ago!

My friend says she understands that people are uncomfortable around her and she holds no judgement or ill will. In fact, it has taken her several years to work through her own judgement and discomfort with herself, and this weekend was her first time stepping back into the dance of life, after sitting on the sidelines for many years.

Little does she know that she gave my husband and I a great gift last night. She gave us the gift of understanding… the gift of letting go of judgements… the gift of seeing another’s beauty through the lens of love and honor…

I have a challenge for all of you, if you should accept… think back to old friends and acquaintances and see if there is anyone that you have lost touch with, someone who has struggled with physical or emotional trauma over the years… someone who appears lost and lonesome at this stage in his or her life.  My challenge to you is to reach out and give them a call. Ask them over for a meal. Rip away any cloak of discomfort you may be wearing and touch someone who was once your friend. I guarantee that once you take the time to re-acquaint, that old friend will be sitting right there in front of you again.

Remember that any day could be someone’s last day here on earth… what if you could be the one person who made that last day a special one?


If you are interested in learning how coaching could help you move through grief or other life changes, submit your information through my Contact page on this blog site, or call me at: (952) 210-3767

2 thoughts on “Not Knowing What to Say Speaks Volumes…

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