It is better to receive than to give…


My title sounds a bit backwards doesn’t it?  Most of us have been taught that it is better to freely give to others versus looking for something for ourselves.  I am one of those people who loves to help others emotionally, physically and financially when I can.  I also encourage others to allow themselves to emote whatever feeling they are experiencing at the time.   How many times have you told someone “it is okay to cry… let it out“, or “it is okay to feel angry right now because you have a right to your own feelings“?

I know for myself,  I urge those who are struggling with their emotions to be okay with expressing those feelings … to let it out  whether it be by crying or venting  (by themselves or with a safe confidante).  One of my go to emotional release activities is to go around my home in a whirlwind of cleaning, going frantically from one task to another trying to burn through any negative energy  I am experiencing at the time.  I am also an expressive personality so I tend to vent out loud.  I will vent by myself in my car or in my house or with people who I feel I have a close relationship with.  Processing stress and emotions in a quiet way just doesn’t release the pent-up emotions for me…

However, when I am struggling with anger, sadness or feelings of being overwhelmed,  I do not allow myself the same support that I give others.  I do not walk my talk because I judge myself… I tell myself that I should be stronger and not feel the things I may be feeling.  I feel guilty when I am angry, hurt or upset.  I do not give myself a break or give permission to succumb to my feelings…

It has been a stressful seven days since my husband was injured on our vacation last week and my emotions have been at peak levels because I am sad… I am hurt… I am angry… I am exhausted… and I am overwhelmed with all the things that now need to get handled by me since my partner is out of commission for a time.  So I have cleaned… I have done laundry… I have taken my husband to appointments … I have vented (okay honestly, it is more like spewing) all the anger, hurt and frustration that I have felt… and then the crying starts when something simple goes awry (dog food spilled all over the floor, the garbage containers are too full to put garbage in, we are on last roll of toilet paper in the house…).  Simple things that really don’t matter are causing me to burst into tears or begin an angry rant that blows everything out of proportion.

As you can imagine,  I have very little tolerance for my lack of fortitude and I have been embarrassed and angry with myself for feeling so emotional over a non-life threatening injury.  Most people who know me would describe me as a strong woman so when I am feeling all the emotions that I have been feeling,  I view myself as weak and ineffective… I judge myself in a way that I would never judge another… I do not give myself the gift of love and support that I would give others…

So today is a new day… a day of sunshine… the day I take my husband for his surgery… the day healing will begin (physically for him and emotionally for me).  Today I will embrace my strengths and give myself the gift of just being me with no judgement and no strings attached…

Yes,  it is sometimes better to receive than give…

Do you allow yourself the gifts of self-love and self-support  when you need it most? Or do you feel bad for feeling bad?

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